Love Bomb, baby Love Bomb.
I love the B-52’s.
I grew up listening to them.
They became a staple as the soundtrack of our home life when I was a child.
We actually had a slew of musical artists that co existed in our home with us.
Mostly women or female heavy vocalists.
Reba, Fleetwood Mac, Pat Benatar, Wilson Phillips, Martina McBride, Faith Hill, B-52’s, etc.
We also had Queen, Journey, Chicago, REO Speedwagon, (This was actually my first ever concert. I was young but my memory from the experience is strictly that I saw fog and thought it was a tornado because it was an outdoor concert at night and had a panic attack, which led my poor dad to miss out on the rest of the show to take me home.) and more.
I distinctly remember standing on my bed one night in front of my mirror on my dresser, listening to, singing along with, putting on my own personal concert for myself with their song Junebug.
I felt like a total rockstar.
The B-52’s were my go to for my own room concerts I’d have by myself.
I’d reserve the epic Spice Girls performances for when I was with my friends and we could force my parents and our neighbors to be our audience.
I 100% had a traumatic childhood, but it wasn’t traumatic 100% of the time.
I have so many wonderful memories from my childhood as well.
So much of it revolves around music and I thank my parents in my head for that every time I’m dancing and singing with my 6 year old in the kitchen.
Moving on to the whole point of this blog while I blast Roam on my headphones while singing out loud in my quiet home.
I hope you enjoyed the serenade from another room, Shermbot.
Love bombing.
I was love bombed and trauma dumped into a relationship that lasted over a year.
I was warned against it, I was warned to not get into that but I didn't listen.
I thought I could help him.
Change him.
Make him better.
Happier.
Healthier.
I couldn't.
I never would have been able to.
This person needed to get professional therapy to work through their trauma instead of dumping it on their partner.
The dark secrets he had in his closet make my skin crawl and wish I could use one of those mind erasers from men and black to just erase the entire experience but especially the secrets that just kept coming out over time.
The last secret was the final nail.
The irony of him saying “100% honesty” on repeat when he was harboring some of the darkest secrets of all.
It was already over.
Had been over.
I had the plane ticket.
I was TWO feet out the door.
But I knew in that moment, I’d never CHOOSE to see this person in the flesh again, after begging him not to say it.
Not to tell me.
I was already leaving.
I didn't need to know.
That was something he needed to discuss with a professional.
He forced the information into my brain and now I cannot erase it.
I have to live with it.
I have to know I was intimate with that person.
I said I would marry that person.
I had my children around that person.
Women, if you are being pursued by someone who your gut is saying “this isn’t quite right” about;
Run.
Break all contact.
The first sign of a red flag, go.
You will be doing yourself the biggest favor.
The reason I decided to write this blog and a bit about my experience with love bombing is;
I saw a post on social media from a woman asking advice on whether a text she received from a man she met less than a week prior, saying he wanted to marry her in a lengthy, run on paragraph.
Much of the advice given was the appropriate advice of;
RUN.
BLOCK.
DELETE.
No contact.
But there was one person, another woman, who announced herself as a "counselor" and then proceeded to give the advice of:
“Some people are lonely and they have a lot to give once they meet someone and yes it comes off weird but ultimately these people have good intentions and a good heart. We’ve got to stop viewing everything in a bad light.”
Now, while I DO agree with her sentiment that thinking the absolute worst of someone immediately after meeting them and not giving them a chance to actually show who they are is correct and should be the way we see things, instead of instantly bad.
HOWEVER, context is everything.
In this context the woman had just met the man less than a week prior.
I’m not even sure they have gone on an actual physical date as of yet.
And the man is telling her to make him her husband.
The text mentions he has to get really good at loving her, that’s his mission.
He says she’s everything he’s ever prayed for. She checks all of his boxes.
Then says “Don’t let me get away. Make me your husband. I can assure you, that you wouldn’t regret a second.”
I added punctuation where I assumed he forgot to put them to better understand his words.
The entire lengthy paragraph was one run on sentence.
Why do these people always hate punctuation so much?
They MET less than a week ago.
Which could mean they have not even gone on a formal first date.
And from the beginning of the text it sounds as though she is feeling off and he is trying to tell her to not let him go.
Pressure her into sticking around just in case and just take his word that she will not regret it
He says “I understand it’s all new but please remember I want to be apart of your hear, soul, your feelings, your thoughts, your life”, etc (I’m not writing the entire word salad) to remember he will work on “loving her, getting her chick-fil-a order, protect her, make her feel loved.”
To not let him go and to make him, her husband and that she will not regret it….
A WEEK AGO.
I met my now husband literally weeks after ending the relationship where I was love bombed into, we said I love you on our second date…
We were long distance for 2 months after that then were married 3 months later… So we were married 5 months after meeting.
I know that all sounds insane.
Like I have zero right to speak on this matter or to judge the situation based on timing.
The issue is, it’s not just the short amount of time.
It is also the language used that is not being reciprocated as well.
He does not know her.
The person before Shermbot did know who I was as a person.
My core.
He could never possibly know he actually loved ME, not the IDEA of me, but ME, from one text conversation and a couple of work conversations.
I told him that.
He insisted he did no matter how much I told him he didn’t even KNOW me and to cut it out.
I was presenting my best self still.
He hadn’t seen me sad or mad or stressed.
He didn’t know my dreams, passions, goals, life history, all of my likes and dislikes.
He knew the superficial things.
He loved the idea of me.
Not me.
Much like this man.
He loves the idea of this woman.
He loves the idea of love.
While this may not be inherently dangerous, the advice of just cut this off is the only advice she should be receiving for these reasons;
It’s clear she is uncomfortable and asking if it is love bombing.
If you are having any doubts like this, that early on especially, and they are already presenting an unpleasant side or a side that makes you question if you should proceed, it’s best to cut all ties and go your separate ways. It’s not worth the risk.
This advice is not hurting the other party in any way.
They’ve known each other less than a week.
He does not love her.
He will move on to yet another.
Women are not here to be men’s personal therapists.
We are not here to serve their emotional needs.
We are not here to shrink ourselves down to be with them.
It is clear this person needs to sort through some issues that may be causing them to think this is acceptable behavior, but that is something this person need to be tackling themselves.
It’s not the woman’s… or anyone else’s… responsibility.
Take the onus off of the innocent party and put it on the RESPONSIBLE party.
Imagine, if you will, he isn’t so innocent.
He IS someone that is dangerous and is using this tactic to manipulate a woman.
Imagine something happens to this woman.
Imagine she is physically harmed in any manner because she decided to ignore her own instincts and intuition.
Imagine this “counselor” is giving this same advice to other potential victims and encouraging them to go back to someone that could potentially harm them.
Or at the very least, the emotional roller coaster this woman would end up on if she proceeded would most likely leave her wishing she had listened to all the other strangers on the internet and walked away.
I know this because I have been there.
I was her.
There are many resources available to look out for the signs of love bombing.
Here is just one resource that may help someone sort out in their own mind and heart if what they are experiencing could be love bombing and decide if they’d like to proceed or not.
Knowledge is POWER.
If you ever have a gut feeling.
Get “THE ick”.
See a red flag.
Are even questioning for a second if it’s love bombing.
Walk away.
In whatever manner you’d like. It’s your choice.
All are valid. Tell them the reason or ghost them.
It’s OK to break something off that feels not quite right.
It’s ok to potentially hurt someone’s feelings to protect your own.
It is ok to preserve your own sanity.
For ANY reason.
You aren’t feeling it anymore.
See a red flag come up you hadn’t noticed before.
Feeling unsafe in any capacity?
Do not ever feel obligated to stay.
Walk away at any point.
Protect your own wellbeing first and foremost always.
You are valuable.
You are worthy.
You are not here to serve anyone or to be anyone’s therapist.
You are allowed to say NO.
-The Messy Hippie 🌈✌🏻
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