Menstrual Cup Starter Quizzes;

This is for all of the girls and women out there who are suffering.

Who are struggling with their own cycles.

Who feel alone. Unheard. Invalid. Or just "Crazy".

You are not alone.

Here is my personal story;

I was 9 years old at my sisters birthday party.

I distinctly remember the dress I was wearing.

It was pink with flowers and had this "choker" attached. How very mid 90’s of me.

I felt off so I went to the bathroom and that is when I first saw that weird brownish red substance in my underwear. I immediately threw them away out of fear and confusion.

I had not been warned about what was going to be happening to my body as I got older. I already knew about boobs. I started growing mine at 7. Why must my physical body feel like it needs to win the competition for starting womanhood the earliest. It may not win amongst the general public, but it certainly won amongst my family and friends.

Over achiever. 🙄 Rude.

I was w anting to ignore any of that nonsense.

Since that moment at 9 years old at my sisters birthday party at our house, wearing that very mid 90’s easter style dress, I’ve hated my body and my uterus.

It has done nothing but given me the most painful cramps imaginable to the point I would scream out in pain. I would skip school, skip work or leave work early due to the pain being so out of control. My uterus was debilitating my life from the moment it decided to start the mensuration journey.

When I was 18 I lived with my dad. Just me and him living in his mom and dad’s old house.

The house I essentially grew up in.

But also the house that led me to passionately plea with my father to get help. His room, as well as him, reeked of liquor and sweat. I told him he wouldn’t live to see his grandchildren. He told me I was wrong. He would live to be 90.

I was correct. He died at 51 and never got to meet one of his 4 magical grandchildren.

In that home, I would be in my room crying out in pain. Wanting to rip my own uterus out just to make the pain stop.

No over the counter pain medication ever touched my cramps. Even those that are specific for cramps.

My dad would ask what was wrong. Then after I’d give him the "Boy, if you don’t walk away right this second, I’m gonna go feral on you." look, he’d say "Oh. Girl stuff?"

Yes dad. Freaking girl stuff.

Being doubled over day after day. Month after month. Year after year.

It takes a toll on your mental and physical health. At least it did on mine.

As a child I would bleed through my pads during class and then be too afraid to ask to go to the bathroom to change it in fear I would have bled through my pants and the whole class would see.

The CONSTANT fear of blood on my pants. It was debilitating.

When I think back on school, I often wonder why I didn’t learn much.

I always thought it was a lack of interest or honestly, intellect. I was too stupid to comprehend what was being taught.

But over the years I’ve discovered that isn’t correct. I DO have an interest in the things I was being taught. I DO comprehend it and I AM intelligent. (somewhat, my daughter tells me I’m not always smart, but I’m always beautiful. She humbles me.)

The lack of understanding was due to my brain being so preoccupied with what was going on in my own body.

Were other people aware? Do other notice? Do the other girls experience this too? Why is no one talking about it? If I get up right now will it be early enough that it hasn’t quite made it to the outside of my pants? Eh, I’ll just wait until the end of class. Watches clock tick down until I can be the last student to leave class so I can walk behind everyone else and sprint to the bathroom.

My brain could not fit in actual usual, interesting knowledge.

I’ve had one teacher stop me and say they saw I had bled through and actually offered to give me guidance and help.

No one had ever done that before. Not even my own mother.

She was oblivious to what was happening with me. She was working full time, had 2 other daughters to care for, a pill and alcohol addiction to tend to and a husband she hated.

She never had time for any of my questions about if what I was experiencing was normal.

I would be bleeding through pads and tampons at lightning speed.

Bleeding through clothes.

Having to wear the largest pads because my bleeding was severe.

The leaving work early because of the pain.

It was debilitating.

To the point I couldn’t work.

I would be nauseous, hunched over with a heating pad sobbing from the pain while also needing to make my way to a bathroom every hour or so to try to get the bleeding maintained.

My menstrual cycle felt like a full time job.

How I knew I was different.

All of my friends didn’t start their cycles until 13+.

I literally had mine 4 or more YEARS before any of my peers.

So I had no one to talk to or ask what is normal, what is not.

They were looking to ME.

MINE AREN’T NORMAL.

I was always envious of my friends who had all those extra years of not worrying about this heavy thing I had to worry about while also trying to play barbies, be the best mom to my dolls babies, roller skate, ride my bike and drop Puppy in my Pockets around our neighborhood.

Moving into adulthood was just as confusing and debilitating.

I would need to leave work often due to the pain and bleeding I just couldn’t quite keep control of enough to not be in the bathroom constantly.

I was a waitress so I was on my feet 8+ hours a day, running around, physically active the entire time while also trying to manage what was going on inside of me.

Silently.

Discreetly.

Once I was married, we waned to start trying to grow our family.

It wasn’t happening for us.

I knew it was because of me.

I’ve always had this gut feeling, I’d have trouble conceiving. I think I knew my menstrual cycles were not normal but I didn’t know how to express it without feeling like I was being a big baby. Just complaining. Other women deal with this all the time. They have cycles and go to work. They don’t cry. They aren’t doubled over in pain. They can get pregnant.

In 2012, I was spotting for over a month straight.

I was so fatigued.

Simply walking caused the bleeding to get worse.

I finally was ready to start getting help with our infertility struggles.

I found out I have an autoimmune disorder called Hashimotos and it was affecting my thyroid so severely it was causing my uterus to non stop bleed.

I immediately was put on medication that I have been on since and will never not have to take every single day for the rest of my life.

I was put on a medication that would stop the bleeding as well called Provera.

It worked. Huzzah!

HOWEVER, the next cycle I had after that was one of the scariest of my life.

I woke up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat, shaking profusely and having the most severe cramps of my life.

I had never given birth but I assumed it was similar to contractions… They were exactly that.

I didn’t want to wake my husband at that time so I went downstairs quietly to deal with what I was feeling on my own and as quietly as I could.

The pain almost made me pass out it was so intense.

That’s when I experienced something called a decidual cast.

My entire uterine lining had shed all at once and I was literally holding it in my hands.

Gross.

Scary.

Confusing.

Pretend that didn’t just happen.

I had no clue what that was but I instantly felt better and was able to go back to sleep.

I never spoke to my husband about it and it wasn’t until recently when other brave women shared their stories that I realized what had happened to me that night in 2012.

During that time, I was finally diagnosed with PCOS.

Some sort of answer for why I had been feeling like this my whole life.

Also why I wasn’t getting pregnant.

I wasn’t ovulating.

Things finally were starting to make sense!

I bled in between cycles then would go long stretches with no period.

PCOS they say.

Can’t get pregnant.

Cool. Cool.

So what now? My whole life vision was having children. At least 2, but ideally 4 (Ha. I was done at 2)

Well, I went on to multiple rounds of fertility treatments. (I can do a whole page on that journey)

They didn’t result in viable pregnancies but eventually I did finally have my babies.

Yay.

For once my uterus did its job.

We were on good terms for a while.

Period came regularly and cramps were managed with over the counter meds.

Back to in between bleeding to almost 24/7 365 bleeding.

To 5.5 hemoglobin.

Provera stopped bleeding briefly.

Then small bleed like light period.

No bleeding maybe a week then spotting and full on period with bad cramps and multiple clots.

To my uterus; I have dealt with you letting me down for 30 years.

I’m done!

I want a divorce!

If you are someone who read through that and related to it at all, just know you are NOT alone.

This IS debilitating.

This SHOULD be taken seriously.

Advocate for yourself as difficult as it is.

Write down every single symptom and EXACTLY how they make you feel as well as how they affect your quality of life.

Bring it to your doctor and demand to be taken seriously.

You are not a burden.

You should not feel guilty.

You didn’t cause this.

You ARE valid in your struggles.

You are NOT alone.