Family Traditions pt. Two
I mentioned in the last blog that I was the oldest of 3 girls.
So there was one more surprise in our family coming up.
It wasn't until I was 11.5 years old and my sister was 5.
I went with my mom to a doctors appointment for her one day.
I must have been home sick or something.
I do not know the reasoning exactly for the visit, but I do know, she was NOT expecting the news she received.
So, we are sitting in the exam room when the doctor walks in.
This is in 1997, so they are discussing her habits such as smoking and drinking weight loss drinks because she felt she was gaining weight.
He mentions she should stop doing those immediately...
Why?
Well, she was 5 months pregnant, of course.
Hence, the weight gain.
Huzzah, at least that question was answered.
I'll never forget the shock on her face though.
She was 34. Not considered old by societal standards today but back in the 90's it was. Especially starting all over after 5 years since your last kid and your oldest is almost 12. That is a massive age range to manage.
Add on her physical health, not having known for 5 months, continuing incredibly unhealthy and dangerous habits.
Don't worry, she did them with me too, I turned out fine… ish.
That could potentially harm the fetus. On top of delivering the fetus at an "advanced" age.
I know it was a lot to process.
It was a lot for me to process too, but I didn't want to process it alone.
My parents told me to not tell anyone yet.
I was sworn to secrecy.
I made it until I could scurry, bare foot, over to my best friends house who lived in my neighborhood, that was literally a circle.
I excitedly stood at her door after ringing the door bell, waiting for her to answer.
Hurry up!
I'm gonna pee I'm so excited.
Anyone else get that sudden urge when they get really excited? No? Just me? K.
You're weird.
I know.
FINALLY she appears!
I am practically out of breath with excitement.
"I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING SO BAD BUT MY MOM SAID I'M NOT ALLOWED."
I blurted it out like I had been held under water, being tortured for the information.
She starts laughing and then says "YOUR MOM IS PREGNANT?!"
My face was probably white as a ghost.
HOW DID SHE GUESS IT?!
Blew my mind. My best friend was either a secret genius or SHE COULD READ MY MIND.
I’m adding this part in weeks after I wrote this, while editing.
I actually am still friends with this person to this day and we just had a discussion about her being able to read my mind due to a name she suggested for herself for my future book. She even brought up this exact story, to which I had to double check I had already mentioned it in my last blog.
Nope.
That story is just such a profound memory for both us and I’m now fully convinced she has super powers.
Those were the only logical conclusions my 11 year old brain could come up with at that time, ya know, with all that waterboarding I was experiencing.
My brain got waterlogged for a second.
I just stared blankly at her.
She looked at me expectedly like "is that it?"
I, was still staring blankly.
My mind was racing at this point.
Should I just say yes, should I say no.
Should I run away?!
I was having a classic choice paralysis moment.
From my memory, she broke the silence with "I'm right! She is!"
I then whimpered "Uhh, I gotta go ask my mom something. I'll be right back."
It was NOW the time to run away.
So I did. However, instead of scurry this time, I full on RAN home.
Out of breath, stumbling over my words, holding my side, I tell my mom "SHE GUESSED! Can I tell her now?!"
My mom sighed, I'm sure rolled her eyes, I don't know, I was doubled over with side cramps from running barefoot on the concrete at full speed like a jaguar, then said “Ugh. Fine.”
HUZZAH!
Pee break, water, RUN.
Back I went, full speed, to her house yet again.
Knock, knock.
She appears looking at me like "why on earth are you back?".
I yell out "YOU WERE RIGHT! SHE'S PREGNANT! HOW DID YOU KNOW?!"
She must have taken pitty on me because I do not remember how she responded so it must have been gentle.
Huzzah. A best friend indeed.
Fast forward a few months to June 1997 and this time I get to be in the waiting room at the hospital!
This is the vivid memory I have of that moment.
I was sitting in the waiting room when the white phone on the wall rang.
Someone told ME to answer it.
Ah. No. Even to this day, you tell me to answer a phone, I’m going to freeze and slightly panic.
I put on my brave face and did it anyway.
I cannot recall who was on the other end, I believe it was my dad, but the voice isn't clear to me, saying "you have another baby sister!"
I remember looking back at the family members that were in the waiting room with me then exclaiming:
"IT IS A GIRL!”
HUZZAH.
There and then, AKT was born.
Our family of 5 was complete at last.
So too began our lifetime worth of memories, family traditions and a bond I will fight to keep always.
Moving on to present day and what traditions I have chosen to introduce or create with my own children.
I’d like to caveat this with a reminder that my father passed away in 2009, long before he had grandchildren, so some traditions mean more for me to hold on to in his memory.
My family traditions;
New Years Eve- This NYE was the first that I let my kiddos try to stay up all night.
The tiniest took a power nap while her sister, Shermbot and I watched, the movie that shall not be named, in our house due to Tiny Hippies fear.
This is my safe space, so I get to say it here.
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
It was such a fun, bonding evening for us, then when Tiny was up from her well timed power nap, we got out all of our 2025 gear on, had a dance party in the living room, pretended to be unicorns and count down the New Year all together. It was hands down my favorite NYE ever.
Since they both managed to work out their own unique way of making it to midnight this year, I think this will now be a yearly tradition and I can’t wait.
Valentine's day- When they were younger, I would do bags with a book, stuffed animal and some age appropriate treat. As they've gotten older... well, not much has changed. But usually it's just a stuffie and some treats or a book and some treats.
So I have downsized a bit on this one from when I was a new mom.
This one I am very relaxed about.
St. Patrick's Day- Nothing. I try to ignore it or make their dad deal with it. I have too many other holiday's to wild out on.
Easter- Since I had my oldest, I've been extra with Easter.
I have photo proof in the form of my, 8 month old, dressed in the most adorable of easter outfits, for a photo shoot. Also included are the photos of the elaborate basket I made my infant, that had no clue what was going on, including leaving easter grass around like the Easter Bunny left it.
Someone stop me.
Just kidding. It's one of my many joys of being a mom.
Every year I do a basket filled with their favorite sweets.
I alternate what I get usually, but I tend to stick to 4 major things.
1. Shoes. Crocs or Rain Boots. I decide that year which I'll pick. It was crocs this year.
2. Clothing, 99% of the time, it's a new bathing suit.
3. Book. Lately, it's been a book from one of their favorite graphic novel series's.
4. An activity. This is usually a summer or spring activity, like a kite, bubbles, floats, or coloring books, etc.
Then I just add things that I think they may like or need. Sometimes that includes stuffed animals, sometimes games.
Then I did MINIMUM 100 plastic Easter Eggs filled with either a piece of candy or a coin/coins for the easter egg hunt.
When they were really little, I'd sneak outside with their baskets, go around the the front door and leave their basket, ring the door bell then run off to sneak back in where'd we rush to open the door to see the Easter Bunny had left their baskets!
Again, someone stop me.
4th of July- This one isn't a major holiday for me really.
I enjoy the grilled food, outdoor time, nice weather and fireworks but other than that, I don't go all out.
I have dressed my girls in cute matching outfits, because how could I not?
I am only human after all.
Halloween- This is one I've enjoyed in various ways as an adult.
As a young 18-20 year old, I was out clubbing, wearing homemade costumes, high heels that were immediately kicked off as I started dancing, so many "How drunk are you?" questions, when I was 100% sober, breaking down in graveyards, working double shifts to get the night off to drive 2 hours away to a club, fake eyelashes and raiding my aunts kitchen for left overs after a long night of dancing the night away until 4 in the morning.
Early 20's was still dressing up in homemade costumes to varying degrees of "sexy" to then Trick or Treating with my best friends son around my neighborhood like the proud Auntie I was.
My 30's are when I had finally became a mom so Halloween traditions changed for me
The first year, I went all out on a costume for my infant just to hand out candy.
The next year, I had just found out I was pregnant with my second child and this is when I started carving pumpkins with my kids.
That tradition has continued for now, but change is coming.
We started introducing Trick or Treating the next year.
Princess Hippie went as a Unicorn and she was so brave going to ring the door bells, however once the door was open, she’d freeze and forget what to say. She’s improved over the years, but now she tends to rely more on her very social little sister to make the first moves.
Trick or Treating has continued and I don't see that tradition coming to an end, any time soon and I'm very ok with that.
This year we even got to include Shermbot. We went as a little group of the 3 parents and our 2 kids around our neighborhood and then to the nursing home down the street. Princess Hippies costume confused so many residents and Tiny/Funny hippie (oh she’s recently requested a name change) passed out drawings she made. It was a blast and I look forward to many more years like that, while also maybe one day including a 4th parent (For my Baby Daddy… Bueller?) one day.
Thanksgiving- Since being an adult, this holiday was for me and my dad.
I stopped caring about it being near my birthday and embraced that quiet time of the year where I was my dads ride or die and he was mine. He’d always make me my favorite foods that he wasn’t fond of, but I loved. He was an incredible cook.
I spent every one with him since becoming an adult until he passed.
He actually passed away weeks after Thanksgiving of 2009.
We ate dinner and watched Coyote Ugly together while he told me something very upsetting about his health and I left worried I was losing my dad.
How right I was and I didn’t even know it.
I have hard memories I can't dive into yet on this one. 📌
Thanksgiving traditions for me now as a mom are very relaxed.
I sort of just go with whatever the vibe is that year.
From big family gatherings to just my husband, me and my kids, to now being married into a large family where big family gatherings can happen again.
My kids do not eat much on Thanksgiving, they really only enjoy the rolls, so it's not been one I've tried to uphold my childhood traditions on.
Christmas- This one has evolved greatly from an adult to motherhood.
I have passed down many of the traditions from my childhood into my life now while adding new ones just for us.
I have introduced my kids to the idea of Santa and I do have “him” leave the gifts unwrapped and put together like my parents did when I was a child.
I'm also pretty specific about picking Santa gifts as well and usually have a list going in my notes app of my idea for each gift for each kid.
I make sure neither has more than 5 Santa gifts and I always have the “Big”/Main gift is from him.
I’m a little extra when it comes to my role as Santa and I take the position VERY seriously.
I mean, I waited long enough for this promotion, I need to take full advantage.
I started doing Santa when my oldest was 4 months old. She had no clue what was happening but the traditions started there with her 5 Santa gifts, displayed perfectly, cookies and milk eaten and I’m sure I let out a HoHoHo at one point to really add in the realism… for myself, clearly.
We've now moved on to adding Elf on the Shelf, a boy and girl plus the St. Bernard.
Buddy, Ballerina and Bernard.
I’m planning a dating, marriage then baby elves theme for the next few years.
When I introduced the first, my oldest was only 3.
I went so extra on the Elf, for children who had BARELY a concept Christmas was even a thing, I am now kicking myself for it a bit for it.
When I first decided to be “THAT” mom and get the elf for more Christmas cheer and magic, I instantly threw away the book, because, no. I could not bring myself to add rules to our Christmas magic, but ALL the respect for those who do.
I then made my OWN rules that were left with the elf.
For our tradition, my kids ARE allowed to touch the elves.
They can play with them, move them, etc. But we always put them back in their spot before bed so they can move again.
I am so glad I decided to implement this immediately so I avoided any of the “SHE touched it” fights that would ensue with a 1 and 3 year old.
Picking my battles.
That year, I made a list of each day the elf would be with us and what I would do for the antic.
I was/still am on Facebook groups to get good ideas and inspiration.
People are SO creative!
I had all 24 antics laid out and ready to go. They were elaborate too.
My favorite was our elf in a “bubble” bath with marshmallows in the sink with a towel on his head.
My kids got a kick out of it but didn’t really get it. I wish I had saved that one.
I do feel like I wasted all of my REALLY good ideas that first year, when they couldn’t really enjoy.
Note to reader; Start small, work your way up. Don’t be me.
I do truly love these traditions I’ve started but after my divorce, I was struggling with my mental health and the relationship I was in.
I started slipping and just not caring as much about the traditions I started to the point, I’d throw something together and my kids could tell.
It just didn’t have the same magic.
Now, my mental health is in a significantly better place, I’m happily married to the best partner I could ask for, I’m finally getting answers on health concerns I’ve had for decades and my kids are thriving. Now is the time I want to be extra but my kids are also getting older and not as enthused, don’t notice the little things and expect more than I can currently provide. That is my fault. I taught them to have these high expectations because I wanted to heal childhood wounds.
It’s not fair to them or me.
HOWEVER, as they are getting older, their critical thinking skills are really kicking in and they are questioning more than ever.
It’s my favorite.
For example; For Easter this year, I couldn’t provide as much as I used to when they were little, but I was able to make the holiday a bit more magical.
My youngest has really been curious about the Easter Bunny.
She wrote and taped notes around our home asking the Easter Bunny questions such as if it were a boy or girl, if he or she is big or small.
She even made a bag and left candy in it for the Easter Bunny. (I’ll include photos, because it’s the cutest thing ever)
She welcomed the bunny and told them she loved him/her.
So, what did I do?
Well, I quite literally hopped, had my husband hop and throw fake grass around, eat the candy, step on an egg, leave the wrappers, I circled the answers to the questions and left little notes that the Easter Bunny was really there by signing EB on them.
I know she is at an age where I could tell her the truth.
I could tell her the vision she has in her head of EB isn’t the REAL EB.
I could tell her the real EB is a small, weird white woman who is not even 5 feet tall, and is a SHE.
I could tell her who EB really is… me.
Her mom.
Her biggest supporter, cheerleader and believer.
Because that is the truth.
EB, Santa, AND the Elf on the Shelf area all her M.O.M.
BUT, I choose to keep the magic, the imagination and the questions going.
For now.
Although some days and some holidays I truly kick myself for ever setting such high expectations, I know these are great learning opportunities for my children and no matter what, we will create lifetime memories and traditions they may eventually pass on.
I know they will feel love and warmth because that is what I provide to them through our own family traditions.
That’s all I have for now on family traditions, if you actually stuck around and read to the end, I love you. 💖
-The Messy Hippie 🌈✌🏻
